One of my good habits is my morning ritual. When I wake up each new day, I make a cup of coffee, sit comfortably in my home office, calm my mind, ask myself a series of questions and journal my answers.

The first question is:  What and whom am I grateful for today?

I write down whatever comes to mind. Person, place, thing, feeling, emotion, e.g. my family, Grand Caymen, my circumstances, my job, my colleagues, crisp morning air, sun, warmth, quiet time, the sound of running water in my indoor pond, my purpose.

This question helps me to put my day in perspective, no matter what lies ahead. It keeps me grounded. It enables me to see the good in anything, even in the bad things that happen.

The last question is:  To whom can I reach out and serve or thank today?

This question provides a call to action. It forces me to critically think and consciously seek to serve and thank at least one person every day. It’s therapeutic effect on my spirit has been remarkable.

I’m grateful these simple questions were prescribed for me. They’ve changed me and my life for the better.

Don’t wait any longer to develop a morning ritual that incorporates these two questions at a minimum. Start today.

If you would like to know the complete list of questions in my morning ritual, then please e-mail me at marc@mindwolves.com. I would be grateful for the opportunity to share.

What do you stand for? Where do you draw the line? What principles will you adamantly defend?

If you want to live life with clarity of purpose, then you must answer these questions. They define the framework from which you operate. Like a compass, they provide direction.

Here’s what I stand for:

• I believe in chivalry and will always behave chivalrously towards women. I do this with my wife, daughter, mom, sister, nieces, co-workers and strangers.
• I believe marriage is a covenant, i.e. agreement, between husband, wife and God. It is to be honored and not broken.
• My word is my bond. If I say it, then I’ll do it.
• I don’t need things to be in writing to be held accountable. Handshakes work for me.
• I will always be faithful in any relationship.
• I will always help the weak.
• I believe in giving without any expectation of getting in return.
• I will not wait for someone else to take the first step.
• I believe the best defense is a good offense. Being proactive is much better than being reactive.
• I will always forgive. There is no quota.
• I will always seek forgiveness. I will admit when I’m wrong. I will confess my sins. Confession is like Drano. It will clear the clogs in any relationship.
• Before making difficult decisions, I will allow sufficient time to ensure my spirit has the desire to do the right thing. I will pray for a “neutral” attitude so that God’s will can be revealed.
• I will not covet what someone else has.
• I will not seek revenge. I will let God settle the score.
• I want to exhibit the character qualities of Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self-Control, and I will strive to develop them in my spirit.

This is what I stand for. These principles give me direction. They provide the foundation of my life’s passion and purpose.

Imagine watching a football game with friends and family where you’re the only one that knows the final score. You’re team wins.

Throughout the ebbs and flows of the game, while everyone else is riding the emotional highs and lows, you’re steady. You can confidently watch the game knowing the outcome everyone wants. You expect it because you know it.

Now imagine watching the same football game without knowing the final score. Are you able to watch it with the same confidence and assurance? Can you expect a win? In the game of life, there’s a way to exhibit this.

The key is wanting to know your purpose. If you do, then you can learn to expect it. If you do not, then you’ll be like a rudderless boat aimlessly afloat. There is a transformative process available to everybody, but it’s not for everybody. It requires choice, commitment and fortitude. You’ll need to be a mudder.

It took me forty-three years to start my transformative process. Until then, I had experienced only two major losses in life that triggered grief, the loss of my maternal grandmother and my dog. As pain associated with losing a loved one goes, one might say that’s pretty good. In early 2013, little did I know what was in store for me. I was about to be hurt in the magnitude I would not have thought was humanly possible.

I was naive. My life experiences to that point did not prepare me for what I was about to experience. I was blindsided. I was unprepared. “What is the worst thing I could do to you?,” I was asked. Then I answered the question. In hindsight, I wish I would have given a different answer. However, had I answered differently I would not have been “refined in the fire”, which has been a blessing, albeit a painful blessing.

Five years later, I have become fordriven™. I now understand my life’s purpose and expect it to be fulfilled. I have achieved mind-heart equilibrium.

My life is in harmony with my creator. I’ve aligned my desires with his will. By doing that, I will succeed at doing all the things he asks me to do.

I expect it.

In his 1940 book, The Problem of Pain, C. S. Lewis states:

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say ‘My heart is broken’. Yet if the cause is accepted and faced, the conflict will strengthen and purify the character and in time the pain will usually pass. Sometimes, however, it persists and the effect is devastating; if the cause is not faced or not recognized, it produces the dreary state of the chronic neurotic. But some by heroism overcome even chronic mental pain. They often produce brilliant work and strengthen, harden, and sharpen their characters till they become like tempered steel.

Lewis goes on to conclude that pain provides an opportunity for heroism and that the opportunity is seized with surprising frequency.

What’s the determining factor in the opportunity for heroism? One must accept and face the cause of the mental pain.

What are the consequences of not accepting and facing the cause of the pain? Fear, anxiety, depression, an obsessive–compulsive disorder or a personality disorder.

The problem with life is that people hurt people. We all will experience pain. Nobody is exempt. Therefore, we need to be prepared to deal with it. And mental pain is harder to bear than physical pain so it requires more energy and fortitude.

To become the best version of yourself, you need to choose to accept and face the cause of your mental pain. Nothing external to you controls you. Don’t avoid it. Take it head on by using The Fordriven™ Process. You don’t need to face it alone.

Choose to refine your character and become like differentially tempered steel. Let your heart be tempered to a springy hardness as it needs to have some give. Let your mind be tempered slightly harder, like the edges of a sword, as it needs to take the brunt of life’s blows.

Doing so will free you to produce heroic work.

A mudder is an athlete that performs well in muddy conditions. When I played football as a running back, I was a mudder. When conditions were perfect, I was not the best player on the field. I was above average. However, when conditions were muddy, I was exceptional. In fact, the muddier it was, the better I was. My coach new it too, and I got more carries.

I now realize that particular element of my character is part of my design. It’s in my DNA. I was not taught how to be a mudder. It was intuitive, yet my skills were refined by playing.

I also realize using the gift of being a mudder is my life’s purpose. I can teach others how to be one. I can coach it because I successfully live it. It can be mastered.

My purpose is to be a player coach equipping others to overcome their hurts, hangups and habits to do the right thing and find life by having a tender heart and tough hide.

Player coach means I’ve walked in your shoes. Hurts, hangups and habits are life’s messy and muddy conditions. Learning to do the right thing and finding life is my definition of success. It’s possible for everyone with the help of The Fordriven™ Process. Even you.

Life is messy. Life is muddy. Be a mudder.

In a recent article titled Are You Coachable? in The Deseret News, Timothy R. Clark says about the term coachability:

As a term, coachability has not officially entered the lexicon of American usage. But it should and perhaps it will at some point, because coachability is not just teachability. It’s not just a willingness to learn. It’s a willingness to unlearn and change. Coachability is a moral capacity that allows a person to accept feedback, acknowledge faults, limitations and deficiencies, and act on the new information. Coachability is a relevant concept everywhere — at home, in the workplace and even on the battlefield.

I love this word. I want lifelong coachability. It’s better than lifelong learning. I don’t just have a willingness to learn, but a willingness to unlearn and change for the better. I don’t just want knowledge, but I want to transform it to information and act on it to improve the quality of life for myself and others.

I realize that achieving this goal is not possible if I’m proud. Rather, I need to be humble. Humility and pride are opposing forces and cannot coexist. Grace is given to the humble. Opposition is shown to the proud.

And I realize my coachability must be retained through the good and the bad in life. I must learn, unlearn and change for the better no matter what happens because every experience is an opportunity to grow and make another version of myself. Marc, version 4 is much better than Marc, version 1.

If my ax is dull and it’s edge unsharpened, I’ll need more strength to chop wood. If I keep it razor-sharp, I can be more productive. The same is true for any skill. If I keep my mind and heart sharp, I will have success.

When I’m disciplined, punished or hurt, I can not be vengeful or bitter. I will let myself mourn for a day and then move on. I will be fordriven™. I will look for a silver lining. If I use it as a training tool, it will produce a harvest of goodness and peace later on in my life. I only need to be patient. I will give thanks in all things because all things will eventually work for my benefit.

Do you want lifelong coachability too? Your life and the lives of others will be better if you do.