It may not be outwardly noticeable, but I walk with a limp. With every step I take, my limp reminds me of my vulnerability. It’s with me wherever I go. I can pretend it doesn’t exist, but that only slows me down further. My “limp” is my broken heart.
My limp was actually self-inflicted, coming as a result of my pride and struggle to confess who I had been. Yet, it has been good for me. It’s symbolic of how I have grown. It serves as a reminder of how I have changed for the better. It’s a sign of my own struggle, my hurts, my hangups and my need to be dependent on God.
Money, power and romance are all good slaves, but bad masters. When they are put to good and Godly use, there’s nothing wrong with them. In that context, they are beautiful results of God’s design. However, when they are masters, thereby controlling our motives and behaviors, they become idols we worship. They become our gods.
In my experiences, worshiping these gods kept me in control, as no single god could claim my all. Each god was at arms length, enough to keep me comfortable. In the end, the root cause of my broken heart, i.e. my limp, was placing these gods above everything else in my life.
Chasing these gods proved futile, as they were are always elusive. When one god disappointed me, I would begin the equally unfulfilling pursuit of another. It was a perpetual cycle of disappointment and dissatisfaction.
It was not until I wrestled with and lost to the one true God, did I commit to pursuing him fully. At that moment my heart was broken, but the door was opened for me to see and train for my calling.
My broken heart, my limp, is a reminder that a sinner like me, who could never get a hold of the gods I pursued, was ultimately able to get a hold of the one true God.
My limp is a reminder that God gives himself fully to those that let him.