Originally published on December 23, 2018, as “A Lollipop Moment,” and refreshed today with new insights.
A Letter That Changed Everything
I still remember the weight of that handwritten letter in my hands—a simple folded piece of paper that carried the weight of eternity. My son Dallas, then 14, had taken the initiative to write something I never expected, unprompted and flowing straight from his young heart. Seven years later, this moment stands as a cornerstone in my understanding of what it means to walk the hero’s path of fatherhood.
“Dad, hey, I’m writing this letter to let you know that you are a selfless person and I am grateful for that…”
Those words began what Dallas called a “lollipop moment”—a moment when someone does something very influential in someone else’s life. What he couldn’t have known was how profoundly his gesture would shape my understanding of what truly matters in this journey we call life.
The Sacred Call We’re Wired For
In the years since receiving that letter, I’ve come to understand something fundamental about the human soul: we are wired to need a savior and to crave purpose and meaning in life—a destiny and role to play in something meaningful that’s bigger than we are.
This spiritual architecture explains why fatherhood resonates so deeply within us. In this sacred calling, we experience both sides of this divine equation: becoming, in our imperfect way, a kind of shepherd to our children while simultaneously finding our own redemption in the selfless love parenthood demands of us.
It all began with a simple act of courage—mustering the strength to break what the book “Every Young Man’s Battle” calls the “Sexual Code of Silence.” Growing up, my father, brothers, and friends followed this unspoken code that deemed it acceptable to joke about sex or even lie about it, but considered it a solemn duty to maintain silence whenever serious discussion arose.
Yet something deeper than cultural conditioning called me to a different path with my son. I now recognize this as the heroic journey—the understanding that there is no more heroic path than starting a family and nourishing the young lives entrusted to you.
The Courage to Show Up
When I invited Dallas to join me in reading and discussing this book about sexuality and temptation, I was nervous. I made the invitation warm and the decision easy—not something I required, but hoped he would choose to do with me. In that moment, I was answering a call to sacrifice my comfort for his formation, a small reflection of the greater sacrifices that define the fatherhood journey.
The format was simple:
- Small group – just me and him
- A brief, weekly reading assignment (1-2 chapters)
- Set aside 15-30 minutes each Sunday afternoon
- Use the companion workbook for structure
- Move at our own pace over about 12 weeks
What I couldn’t have anticipated was how this small act of showing up would create ripples that continue to shape both our lives.
The Legacy That Matters Most
Research confirms what my heart now knows with certainty—children flourish in the presence of attentive parents. Studies from the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry have found that engaged parents help kids regulate their emotions and form healthy relationships later in life. The National Institute of Health and Human Development’s research reveals that children with involved parents are less likely to engage in drug use or skip school.
But beyond these measurable outcomes lies something deeper—the soul-formation that happens in those countless ordinary moments of connection. Dallas captured this truth perfectly in his letter:
“That lollipop moment for me was when we sat down and talked about that book you got me. I’ve been reading it and I have taken information from it that I will use my entire life.”
His words echo something I’ve come to understand more deeply with each passing year: at the end of my life, what will matter is not the achievements on my resume but the moments I chose to be fully present with those entrusted to my care.
The Daily Crucible That Refines Us
Let me be clear—this path isn’t romanticized in my mind. There were moments of uncertainty and awkwardness in those Sunday afternoon discussions. The crucible of parenthood burns away pretense. It reveals our limitations and insecurities while simultaneously calling us to a love deeper than we knew possible.
When Dallas wrote, “I am grateful that you spend money on things that seem stupid to you, but are exciting for us… I am grateful that you go out and get things for us even if you are tired,” he was acknowledging the small sacrifices that make up the hero’s journey of fatherhood.
These sacrifices may seem insignificant in isolation—the weekend practices in the rain when you’d rather be anywhere else, the parent-teacher conferences where you feel wholly inadequate, the difficult conversations that would be easier to avoid. Yet taken together, they form the foundation of a legacy that outlasts any worldly achievement.
The Reciprocity of Divine Design
What strikes me now about that letter is how it demonstrates a spiritual principle that permeates all of creation: “Know that your returns in life must be in direct proportion to what you give. This is a natural law.”
It applies to physics: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. It applies to human relationships: You will reap that which you sow.
By taking that first step to engage my son on difficult terrain, I created space for him to reciprocate with vulnerability and gratitude. In doing so, we participated together in something transcendent—he affirmed my purpose in life “to create positive uplifting moments for human experiences and relationships,” while I witnessed the fruit of intentional fatherhood in his growing character.
The Invitation to Sacred Intimacy
Seven years later, Dallas is soon to be 21 and navigating young adulthood with a foundation I pray will serve him well. Our relationship continues to evolve, but that letter remains a touchstone for me—a reminder of what becomes possible when we answer the call to be fully present in our children’s lives.
To fathers reading this, I extend this truth as both comfort and challenge: the hero’s journey you seek isn’t found primarily in career achievements or public recognition but in the sacred intimacy of showing up for your children day after day. In those seemingly ordinary moments—discussions at the kitchen table, the courage to address difficult topics, the sacrifices that go largely unnoticed—you are shaping not just your child’s future but the very fabric of society itself.
May we embrace this understanding that when we reach life’s end, what will matter most won’t be our achievements but the lives we’ve shaped through loving presence. In answering the call to nurture these precious souls entrusted to us, we find ourselves swept into the very story we were created to live—a story of redemption that continues long after we’re gone.
For in this most ordinary and extraordinary calling—the sacred journey of fatherhood—we discover the hero’s path our souls were always seeking.
PS: May each of you reading this story experience your own lollipop moment this season. Be intentional. Create moments for others without expectation of return. The divine economy promises that “no one can enrich themselves unless they enrich others.” There are no exceptions to this law.
MindWolves 