A Person to be Loved

In my 54 years on Earth, I don’t recall a time like this. Our top two presidential candidates literally hate each other. They won’t, they can’t debate in a constructive, civil manner. It feels like the trash-talking that occurs before the boxing match or MMA fight. That has a domino effect on the rest of our society. We need better from our leaders.

Not all conflict is good. However, when handled properly, conflict is constructive and healthy. In fact, the ability to build and maintain a cohesive country requires it. Without the free expression of opinion, one is unable to feel a sense of ownership and consequently be committed to the cause. 

The founders of the United States of America understood this, which is why the bedrock of our great nation is religious liberty and freedom of speech in the context of a humble acknowledgment that we are endowed by our Creator, i.e. Nature’s God. They understood the dangers of a fake tolerance, which says, “We’ll tolerate you as long as your opinion is within our tolerance.” They also had a healthy respect for human depravity and designed the American system of government with that in mind. They wisely devised many forms of accountability to mitigate the myriad of ways corruption can occur when humans pursue and possess power. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best system of government ever created in the history of humankind. 

Whenever honest dialog or a robust discussion about difficult topics cannot be done in a civil, peaceful, safe manner, then it’s time for everyone to do some growing up. Cohesion does not mean everyone agrees, but it does mean everyone trusts and respects each other enough to engage, connect, and debate important topics that affect strategy, tactics, and unity. Once arriving at a decision, we rally around it. Everyone commits and is held accountable for the results. Even those who disagree, move on with their support because their voice is heard, and want to be part of something bigger than themselves. The common good is being served. 

What throws a wrench into team cohesion is self-centeredness. A self-centered person is someone who prioritizes themselves over everything else. They want it their way. They will do their own thing. They have to take care of themself first. They don’t have time for others. They are the most important thing. In fact, the root cause of all human relationship problems is self-centeredness. All crime is self-centered. Many social problems are caused by groups of people, such as racists, sexists, and chauvinists, who are self-centered and think they are better than other groups of people. 

Love of self prevents one from loving Nature’s God because no one can serve two masters. Either they will hate the one and love the other, or they will be devoted to the one and despise the other. No one can serve both God and self. Therefore, relational harmony and healthy conflict depend on the correct prioritization of love. Being selfless does not mean thinking less of yourself, but it does mean thinking of yourself less. The only way to do that is to love God first, your neighbor second, and yourself third.

John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and George Washington all had different religious beliefs; however, they were humble and wise enough to respect that Nature’s God needed to be at the center of a sustainable new nation that promoted healthy conflict and unalienable rights. So here’s a counter-cultural thought I pray more and more Americans, and people of all nations, are moved to embrace: Everyone is a person to be loved.

• That friend of yours who’s addicted to drugs is a person to be loved.
• Your cousin who is transgender is a person to be loved.
• Your daughter who has come out as a lesbian is a person to be loved.
• Your neighbor next door who is Muslim is a person to be loved.
• That young woman in your church who just got pregnant outside of marriage is a person to be loved.
• Your coworker who is a different color than you is a person to be loved.
• The arrogant CEO who flaunts their wealth is a person to be loved.

As we begin to see people for who they are – created in the image of God – we think less of issues to be solved and instead see people to be loved. As a Christian, this is how I operate. The standard I set for myself is to be the most loving, kind, respectful, and teachable “neighbor,” always going the extra mile to understand, listen, and give grace far beyond what is expected.

Giving others what’s coming to them, that’s only natural. Treating others with the mercy they don’t deserve, that’s supernatural. When it comes to relationships, tone matters as much as, if not more than, substance.

This post was originally published on November 22, 2020, and is republished today with enhancements.